Struggles along the Road

I think this time of year in Wisconsin is the hardest for me. We are no longer locked in the dead of winter; yet the true promise of spring has not become apparent either. The climate struggles between warmer (sometimes sunny) days and then all of a sudden the earth will once again be covered under a blanket of white and the wind will be bitter. It is almost as if you can see the earth struggling to loosen winters grip; reaching and searching for the newness of life that spring will bring. When we are still in the middle of winter's cycle and the earth is covered in deep snow and all seems to be quiet and still; the tranquility brings a peace to me. When the day finally arrives and you wake up one morning to discover that the earth has sprung forth with green buds, early spring flowers, and birdsong while you slept; it tends to bring a song to my heart. (Those of you who live in Wisconsin will know what I mean - it literally does seem to happen overnight)

This fight between the death throes of winter and the life of spring seem to have me in their grip, also. My spirit, my moods, my heart are caught in a battle I struggle to free myself from. I find myself restless, anxious and searching for something that I can't completly grasp. Sometimes, I am not even sure what it is I am reaching for. Life has become a habit, a thing I do because it is what I do. Even those quiet moments when I seek God before the day has begun bring little peace to the restless spirit within me that so seeks the newness that spring symbolizes.
Often I struggle to spend that time searching for the source of my joy, my peace, my balance but I refuse to let go; I refuse to quit searching for the source of the promises I have been given.

Come, Lord Jesus, and bring to me and to the earth the beautiful promise of spring, of life renewed, of a heartsong that unites us as one. At the beginning of this year, You gave me this verse to feed my spirit; to help me bloom and grow. It is now my heart's cry, my plea, my prayer.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

Psalm 51: 10-12